I Do Not Want to Go Back

You hear people saying, “If I could go back again, I would do this or that” all of the time. This week I came to the realization that I don’t want to go back and do anything over.
Would it really change anything? My Nanny would still die of diabetes, my Papa would still have gotten heart disease. People would be who they are because you can’t change them, so what would be the sense?
Sure, I could go back and react to things that were said and done to me differently, but it wouldn’t change who I am today. I am still essentially the same person I’ve always been inside.
My political beliefs haven’t changed much over the years. I’m still the same liberal I’ve always been. I am more accepting and open minded, but I think those are good things.
Some might ask me wouldn’t I want to try to save my marriage of 26 years? There was nothing I could do about the anything that happened. I got sick, decisions were made, things were done, and ending things when we did was best for both of us.
It allowed us to grow into ourselves. We were very young when we got married. Sure there were hard feelings, but we’re slowly working our way through those and we may end up being friends before it’s all said and done. We’ve got to be around each other through life events and parties for our daughters. It makes things a whole lot easier without the tension.
I went to an art reception with my roommate Thursday night. There were a lot of familiar faces from my former life and people who have stayed in my life. It’s an interesting combination.
My young artist roommate won best in show. I was so happy for her. She has a bright future ahead of her. I advised her to surround herself with good people and make sure she gets media exposure. After living the journalistic lifestyle, it comes second nature to give that advice.
Kyungmin’s winning that award was an epiphany of sorts for me because it made me realize I don’t want to go back. I want to live in the present and enjoy what each new day’s adventure brings my way.

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